A few years ago, I used to watch the MTV show My Super Sweet 16. Clearly, there was little substance to the show, but it was compelling because of the amounts those wealthy parents would spend on their young charges, and how demanding the teens were. Most expected the lavish party AND a brand new luxury car.
The part of the show that I found the most interesting was the party invitation process. The birthday girls seemed to relish this activity far more than the birthday boys. They scheduled the passing out of the cards in a public forum where the uninvited girls (yes, mostly girls) could be feel the sting of the exclusion. The camera would pan to those who weren't holding invitations, so viewers could witness their disappointment. 'Oh well, sucks to be them", one beaming birthday girl said facing the camera.
At the time, it occurred to me that this is not just a phase of our teen years. I thought about how many events I had attended in adulthood where a friend or someone from my social group had expected to be invited and was excluded or the times I had excluded someone (again usually a female). It is not a kind act. A fact that I believe you only fully realize when you are the one who is excluded.
But what is the alternative? Should you invite someone with whom you don't get along and then end up either ignoring them or arguing with them? That only makes it uncomfortable for the other attendees and if it is a special occasion like a wedding or baby shower, it has event-ruining potential. If you talk about the activity in the person's presence and he or she sees the excitement surrounding it, then what?
I don't know if there is a right or wrong answer to the aforementioned questions. I guess I'm just putting it out there as catharsis, and as something to ponder.
1 comment:
My two cents:
Those girls on My Super Sweet 16 were spoiled brats. Of course they were excluding people to be jerks. It makes them feel superior (Oh my party is so elite and selective!) and makes those excluded feel bad. Makes for good TV.
I would think that as adults, most people aren't as petty as to exclude people just for the sake of excluding them. At least, no one I am friends with would do such a thing. I would think that most of the time, people are included in the situations that they expect to be a part of. On the flip side, if they are excluded, they know why. If that isn't the case, my advice would be to approach the event organizer directly to discuss what happened and alleviate any misunderstandings.
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